Sunday, March 1, 2015

I called him Dear.

I'm sure we've all had our "What if...?" moments regarding Almost Lovers, the guys (or girls) we almost had something meaningful with. But have you ever really thought about it, like mapped out the future you might have had if things worked out?

There's this one guy, I refer to him as my The One That Got Away (I wonder how many song references I'll make) because we almost had something, and at the time I felt so full of emotion for him, I felt so ready to do anything for and with him. We didn't work out, and in his words, we probably never will, because there's always something that doesn't go our way, like boyfriends and what have you. But if we did push through, if we did go past that stage of fucking around and actually got serious, I think I may be a little more creative now. A little better with words, maybe, and I probably would be in his field of work. He's a filmmaker, and a damn good one, if I do say so myself. We called each other Dear when we were talking, and one time he surprised me and went to my house (he lives super far away!!!!!!) and I had to sneak him past three dogs and four flights of stairs. He's very sweet and understanding, and he knows exactly what to say to either make you fall for him or make you go away. I should know, I've been on the receiving end. (I like to think I deserved it both times.)

Sometimes I think about him and I get the urge to convince him that we can be a good thing, that we can still have that great relationship we both envisioned when we first met 4 years ago. And then I remember that he doesn't look at me the same way anymore, and that he probably never will, and that's okay. Our relationship is much more poetic that way. He'll always be very special to me, very special in that I'll always think of him with fondness and just the slightest bit of heartache. I was almost in love with him, but alas, almost is never enough (song reference count: 3).

What about you, how different would your life be if a failed almost-relationship worked out?

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