When I die,

I'd want my funeral to be unforgettable. There are several things I'd like to be done during my:

WAKE

• I don't like it when people get sad because of me, especially if I didn't mean them to be. So what I'd like is for my friends and family to dress casual when attending my wake. No sad colors (unless you typically wear sad colors) and no sad expressions. Go to my wake to celebrate my life, not to mourn my death. 
• Don't talk about the "great things I've done" and the "great things I could've done." Instead, talk about the crazy things we did together. Like that time we shoplifted, or that time we streaked the school, or that time we made fantastic love in a library. Those things. And don't exaggerate on my "good deeds." I don't want people to remember me as the nice, generous, thoughtful, and patient. Those translate as boring, and those don't describe me.
• Please prepare good food at my wake. I don't want visitors complaining about cheap candy and packed peanuts. If you really loved me, you'd get everyone Jollibee or something. Prepare grilled cheese sandwiches or tacos at my wake. And please, enough with the tetra pack fruit juices. People like soda, prepare soda. With ice. 
• I implore you, do not play generic funeral music. Play the music that I like. Imagine me there, alive, and I'm in control of audio! What would I play?
• Don't push your beliefs on the people attending my wake. This is a party. Keep your god to yourself.
• Superstition shmuperstition. If the stipulations above will be followed, then my wake will be a blast. So don't dampen everyone's mood by not allowing them to bring home food, or not taking them to the door. These superstitions are stupid. If someone who's attending my wake wanted to bring home some of the divine cake or lechon manok, THEN GO AHEAD DEAR, IT'S ON ME.

I'm planning to get cremated, so there won't be too much of a ceremony as opposed to being buried. And excuse me? Feed me to the worms? I don't think so. I'm willing to bet (not my life, not right now) that I'll be living thinking that I'm hot, so why not end me hot? BURN ME. Then all of my friends and family can take a little bit of the ash and put it inside a tiny bottle. THEN THEY CAN WEAR ME AS A NECKLACE PENDANT OR A CHARM ON A BRACELET.

My life is already boring. Don't let my death be boring, as well.